moxy

Lazy day. Nothing much to report. Fiona is in heat. she is behaving acceptably, considering her hormones want her running off to get pregnant. I have installed a sort of chastity gate to keep the birds away from the bees.

I am thinking too much today. Thinking about my life, and the shortness of the days, and the lack of sunshine and hugs. This next month will pass quickly, and I am happy for that. I have thrown myself into my life; work, friends, daily details. That way I don't perseverate on the things that are missing.

Do you ever feel like things from earlier in your life are just sitting there like conversational landmines? The problems in my family, the health problems among my siblings, my own personal baggage - things that haven't had a major role in my life in several years - are suddenly popping into relevance in conversations, and I don't know what to do with them. I haven't thought of the implications of my sister's brain surgeries in a long time, but they are facts that I accepted a long time ago. Those events aren't touchstones for me anymore, I'm not a teenager trying to deal with that anymore.

I just don't know how to acknowledge that that stuff happened, that it affected me, helped form who I am, without bringing it all up again. It's resolved. I don't want to talk about it anymore. It makes me uncomfortable when someone says That Must Have Been Hard on You. It makes my stomach knot like it was knotted way back then. I know they are just being sensitive and stuff. I appreciate that they are good people. I just want to close the door and have it stay closed.

supper and cards with PE and the roommate, and a couple of other newfs. yay fun!

i have a question:
why can't we ride bikes in winter? it is just the slippery factor, or does the cold do something to the bike?

Update:
went to play cards, it was fun
PE teacher, we'll call him Pepe now, walked me home so no one would bother me
we ran into the badminton team, who whistled and yelled that we're a cute couple
me and the 58 yr old Pepe. he's hot, dontchaknow!
they walked us all the way to my door, and then I think they walked him home.
they were happy, which makes me happy
brought the bitches in for a few minutes because I've barely seen them lately
FIONA PEED ON MY KITCHEN FLOOR FOR NO APPARENT REASON!
WTF!?
this is the north

i don't think the kids could tell that I was so very very sleepy
it was enough hot news for them to see me and Pepe walking up the street arm in arm
they really are inexplicably good kids