let it snow!

i think i am delirious.

not the quasi-cultish christian band from the late 20th century, but the state of psychological being that involves loss of grouding in reality.

there are these days in schools where we poor teachers are pulled in a thousand directions at once. i come home from days like that feeling totally hyper and brain-dead and spun, never wanting to speak again. teaching is like a drug. or some messed-up reward system of conditioning. I recall from first year psych that reward schedules predict the durability of a behaviour in the future. rats that are rewarded every time they perform a behaviour learn to perform the behaviour quickly, but the behaviour drops off just as quickly when rewards are stopped. however, a reward that is given only sometimes and unpredictably produces a less steep learning curve initially, but the behaviour is more durable.

teaching is on the second reward schedule. and i'm hooked.

i had double tens for art today - two classes of 14-15-16-17-who knows how old they are-yr olds doing stenciling (!) with paints and X-acto knives and hot wax. scary? YES! they were mostly really good. there were no 'bad' behaviours. but everyone needed my help at once it seemed. I swear to god, I am going to change my name! I think if I hear it one more time, I am going to explode. they have no patience, no sense of turn-taking, and only very small ability to solve their own problems. Initiative is a word we need to study closely.

i have some funny stories for you, all involving the same kid.

1. i was standing beside a particular student in my grade 11 math class. I was helping him solve an equation, and when i went to move on to the next student, he said, "qallunaasungi!" The whole class just exloded in laughter. Now, I'm doing my best to learn some of the language, so I asked what it meant. Also, I like to laugh and wanted in on the joke. So he tells me, "You smell like a Qallunaaq. Your perfume." Which made me laugh and splutter, "But I am a Qalluunaaq! Why would that surprise you!!?" I guess the locals don't wear perfume. Anyway, if I have the semantics and syntax right, you don't want someone to tell you, "Annaqsungi," because that means you smell like shit.

2. same kid, earlier that lesson, was blowing his nose loudly. it was very full. another kid says he's so gross man! first kid answers, "You wanna suck it?!" with a big laugh. he says everything with a big laugh. so I say Man, you fell out of the gross tree and hit every branch! And then the class tells me that's how moms clean their kids' noses before they learn to blow their own noses. I must have looked totally shocked, because I was. And then I felt stupid for telling them their traditions are gross. But they didn't take offense... I have never ever heard of that before! I still don't know if it would be my first instinct to suck a kid's snotty nose though. eee-ew! I like that we have good little cultural lessons in class. I like my students.

3. same kid, even earlier in the lesson (yes, all this in one 45 minute period, and we still got our work done. we are geniuses with determination and stuff). So he comes in to class and says he's not going to work today. So I answer, "We don't need no education..." with a little bit of Pink Floyd's tune with it. And HE responds, "We don't need no thought control..." and goes on to sing the whole first chunk of Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd. This kid... he's special-weird. All the kids are into hip-hop and rap, and he's singing me Pink Floyd. A bit later, he was getting creative, "We don't need no birth control..."

Ah.. students.. Special.

wow, this is a long post.

I grew a new muscle today. It's in my abdomen/torso, right below my rib cage. Think sternum. I discovered it's new growth today when I practised my chin-up letdowns. I can now empathize with whatshername in Alien. I thought some animal was trying to tear a hole in my abdomen/torso.

phew. what a fucking day. AND, it's supposed to snow all night (!) AND tomorrow's friday (!) AND I am not going to go supervise the dance tomorrow at the gym. Fuck it, I'm tired.

tonight I will make cookies and watch CSI and that's it.

Hey Teacher! Leave them kids alone!