recovery

you know when you're walking on a tightrope? or a balance beam? or just a really shaky, narrow bridge? well anyway, I'm sure you've had the experience of losing your balance but then regaining it. there is an immense feeling of relief when you realize that you will not actually fall into the chasm.

that's a roundabout way of telling you all that I have recovered my equilibrium and the panic has passed for the moment. I did a lot of errands and made a lot of phone calls since I wrote my last post, and now a lot of things that had been uncertain are more certain.

I have completed almost all of my paperwork and other arrangments. I have about half of the food I need to buy, bought. it is in the trunk of my car. $318 and some cents worth of salad dressing, sugar, and other staples. Like birthday candles. A hearty thanks to Anne for pushing the cart and reading the list and graciously smacking me upside the head when I got distracted by jello flavours and types of cocoa.

if anyone is interested, there is part two of the food-buying tomorrow. i have to say, even though i have seen a year's supply of non-perishables before, it is still astonishing to fill a shopping cart with stuff. until today, it had been months and months and months since I had used a shopping cart at a grocery store. MONTHS. I can't even remember the last time. Actually, tomorrow I could proactively really use help. I mean, I can do it alone, it would just be way easier with help... so... Free beer or other beverage of your choice if you come and help!

i may have mentioned this yesterday, but it looks like the stranger-man living situation is sticking. we have to wait until we all get there to rearrange. i feel apprehensive but not overwhelmed by that, although i do still think it is the most assinine plan ever.

i was talking with anne this evening over a half-pint of pooh beer at the brew pub about my blog. i wonder if sometimes it seems like I'm always negative. I'm really fine most of the time... it's when I'm flipping out that I most need to express myself though, so what spills out is all my neuroses and panic. anyway, she suggested that expressing my 'flat' and bland happyish moods could also be a good thing.

we will try this experiment, yes.