miles to go

I drove to my parents' today for my good friend's baby shower. Long drive. Long drives always make the thoughtful.

As I was leaving the city, I realized it was the first trip of any consequence that I've made without the dogs in a long time. I worried briefly that they would tangle themselves up while I was gone, but then I decided to leave it up to fate and enjoy my afternoon of "freedom". I reflected on my relative freedom. I really have few ties. Few responsibilities. I don't owe anyone (except the good people of Ontario who fund OSAP) anything.

Seriously... no kids, no husband, no on-call job. I have made few promises. I made a promise by accepting my dogs to care for them. I keep that promise every day. I've made promises about work (I'll show up at this time for this many hours, and I'll do the work I'm asked to do), about school (by enrolling in this class, I promise to complete the course work), about safe driving (by obtaining a license). There are a lot of things we do that involve promises. Sometimes we call them 'agreements' instead of promises, but they're the same thing. I've promised my credit card company that I will pay for the things I get them to buy for me. I promise the phone company that I will pay them, and the cable people, too. And yet all these little promises are really worthless. I keep them only because I don't want promise-enforcers on my back.

We promise a lot to other people. I wonder what promises I've made to myself. And whether or not I keep my promises. Off the top of my head, I can't think of many promises that I've made. Why is that? And if I decided to make a promise to myself, what do I feel strongly enough about to actually make a promise? I could say I've promised myself not to date any more cops. I have promised that. But I know it's a promise I would break if a good one came along (don't judge until you've lived in The Land of Slim Pickings).

Maybe all this "promise" talk is just a fancy way of admitting that I lack self-discipline. Which is sad. Because it means I don't value myself enough to do what's best for me.

Show of hands - how many of you think you should:
eat better
exercise more
stop and smell the flowers
spend more time with friends and family