cocoa powder

i think i have burned my tongue. it hurts quite a bit. even the scar from my ex-tongue-ring.

well, today wasn't bad, for a monday. quiet. not many students. i know some teachers who are really working their students hard this last week before the break, but in the upper grades the students sort of stop coming the week before school lets out. i can only do enrichment, or i'll end up catching half the class up later.

i wonder if women are more inclined to tolerate unpleasant situations than men. i'm not trying to be sexist, and maybe my old view that androgyny is becoming the norm is actually becoming true... but i think in most places, little girls are raised to become women, and little boys are raised to become men, as opposed to either or both groups really being raised to become adults. boys are encouraged to stand up for themselves, their ideals, yada yada... girls are rewarded more for being nice, following directions, waiting their turn... blah blah. nothing new. maybe that's why men more often get their own way than women. it just doesn't occur to men to 'wait and see' while women may tend to wait too much and see without acting. maybe. i think. i dunno. obviously this is still subject to my previous rant about individual differences trumping group differences.

me, i know sometimes i get upset and threaten to throw in the towel, but a lot of things would have to come together for me to actually throw it in... I'd need the trigger to be quickly followed by a strong impression that nothing will change, coinciding with the financial wherewithall to actually quit and move. maybe it's because i know my moods change with (more quickly than?) the weather that i usually just try to ride out whatever is going on. maybe i'm lazy and subject to inertia. even with the wingman issues, i'd still prefer not to move again. ever. :P i hate moving.

in any case, i was feeling pretty low yesterday... not interested by anything here, just wanting to ditch it all and come home. but then today i had a pretty good day here. nothing exceptional, and definitely nothing outside of my professional life, but i had an alright day with the students, and that is carrying a lot of weight.

i have bought a table, which should soon arrive at my home. it's nice and big, and should allow me some space to do art of my own (!) at home (!)

without actually having regrets, i wish i had been aware of my interests in high school more; i wish i had made an effort to study art, to learn techniques, to form the artistic habit. you could say i lacked direction.

don't question why she needs to be so free
she'll tell you it's the only way to be...