I think there's something about this time of year that makes me a little bit crazy. It's like that Modest Mouse song, World at Large...
Went to the porch to have a thought. Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.Anyway.. excuse the melodrama. It's like bugs under my skin or itchy feet or the seven-year itch or something. except it comes every few months. it torments me - i want to settle down into one place, but i get so fucking bored. what is my issue? why can't i keep my feet still? does anyone else have this problem? let's face it... leaving k-hole was about boredom, at root. and leaving here will be about boredom again. and what about the next place... will i leave it over boredom too?
i've been doing so well, being involved in life around me, being active, being totally where i am. and here i am again, 19 and not knowing what the hell to do with myself. and without the safety net of university in front of me. it's like the last 10 years never even happened for all the insight i've developed.
Oh the irony of a perpetual-motion-person having two massive, high-maintenance dogs. are they my anchor or a ball and chain?
you know, i typed dogs three times before i could get it to come out dogs instead of gods. haha... oh the irony. oh the freudiality.
honesty sucks, but dishonesty sucks worse.
I know it's dangerous to wish it, but I need a shake-up.
some things you do for money
and some you'll do for fun
but the things you do for love
are gonna come back to you one by one
2 comments:
i think it's natural to need a shake-up from time to time. maybe you just haven't found the place that doesn't bore you? sometimes having too many options can be more suffocating that having none. my options are limited, and it's kind of nice. that almost makes my decisions for me. of course, that doesn't stop me from wondering if i'm missing the boat. or if there's something better out there and i don't know because i haven't stepped out into the wide open.
good luck with your decision making :)
thanks les, i hope you are right about just not having found the place yet.
and for the record, i don't think you haven't stepped into the open. you have the same options as me, you've just found a place you like... so of course you'll stay there :p
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