weakest link

haha... nothing to do with mean English ladies. Just ruminating on how we are only as strong as the thing we cannot endure. or some such bullshit.

Seriously, I have a confession: I am scared. Thankfully, I can articulate my fear, irrational though it may be. I'm scared I won't meet any people with whom I can be good friends. I'm afraid that I will be isolated from friendly faces who let me be the neurotic irrational freak that I sometimes become. The North is hard. I do not dispute it. It scares me sometimes. Some of the most horrific crimes committed in Canada happen in the North. I know this. November and December will be very hard. January will be the worst, followed closely by February. March may seem interminable, and I might spend most of April and May wishing desperately that it were June.

So why do I want to go? Well, likely those crappy times will only bother me during my quiet moments - right before sleep, right after waking, the second half of lunch hour, Saturday nights when nothing much is happening. It is an active place - I can stay busy there. And during my days, I will be doing stuff. Good, brain-active stuff. And somehow, there is hope. As a sub, I might actually teach a kid or two a week. Most of them tune me out because they know I won't be there later on. But up North, there is a possibility to really have an impact on the students at the school.

Oh, I hope I hope I hope this is a good year.