very sad outcome of tonight's game. I should be used to hockey disappointment, though, being a leaf's fan. I get so annoyed with them every time the wheels fall off... but then there's a new game and they show their character and I'm suckered back in again. I would do better as a Montreal fan, but somehow I still end up rooting for the leafs. sigh.
I think my weeks of work on end without reprieve are telling on me. It feels like I sand-papered my throat after supper. I may be becoming ill. I know - shocking. I might have to call in sick tomorrow, even though I really can't afford to not work.
I am starting to feel a little bit nostalgic for this city, even though I have two months before I leave. It's just... ok. I will explain and you will think I'm nuts.
We women have a sort of pre-dictated social role that we are raised to believe we are supposed to fulfill. I believe the conventional order is love, marriage, babies. Lately the order has become less important, but this is still the Trifecta of Complete Womanliness. And I'm beginning to approach thirty. When I come back from the Iceberg next summer, I will definitely be approaching thirty. I have still not achieved any of the three Pillars of Womanity. And actually, I'm mostly happy with that. I mean, everybody gets lonely sometimes, but I haven't spent all of my time alone. I just haven't found the One. (God this is corny). ANYWAY. I am effectively taking a year of from being able to find this Wundermann, since my village is small. It is unlikely to find someone special up there. I'm adding delay to what is perceived by outsiders to be an already lagging social schedule. I know, I know... who cares? I know I shouldn't, but come down off your high horse and admit to something - YOU THINK THE SAME WAY. Oh shut up, you do too.
See? I told you you'd think I was crazy. And yes, I know it's ridiculous. Sometimes it's the ridiculous things that seem most serious.
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2 comments:
Pillars of womanliness, feh. You have all the best building blocks of an excellent 28-35 period:
You have a definite career that you like, that you find rewarding (often), that you are good at, and that is needed by society (ok, not in Kingston apparently. But still.). Overwhelmingly many people do not have this, esp at your age.
You have a bunch of friends and admirers, spread out around Canada. You have people to visit when you travel and people to hang out with when you're at home.
You have a lively, outgoing, fun, funny, etc personality that will enable you to make more friends wherever you go. You have an appetite for adventure. These together are a much better guarantee of a good life than whether you're dating some guy right now.
If you were dating some guy, you'd be thinking, "oh, this is nice, but I'm really not sure if he's the one. Maybe we should break up? Maybe I shouldn't go north, so I can stick with him and see where it goes?" Feh. You're much better off not having that kind of halfway, uncertain "maybe he's the one" feeling right now.
You're going north! For adventure and new experiences and more perspective on old experiences. By the time you're 30 you will have spent a substantial chunk of your 20s in villages in the Arctic, flying in tiny planes, riding snowmobiles, learning about Inuit culture, learning about poverty and helping kids -- how many people can say these things?
As opposed to the millions of boring people who can say "well I spent my 20s in a long quiet relationship, renting videos and staying home in my house in the suburbs. Lately we've been thinking about getting a dog. Maybe that will put the spark back in our lives." "Being with Steve has taught me a lot about... um,.. compromise." Blech!
-Anne
Anne, you should be a spin doctor.
I edited that post a bunch, because it was way too long, but if I hadn't there would have been a section about how I get all claustrophic and become a bit of a saboteur in relationships because of my itchy feet. (itchy feet = metaphor for wanderlust). Mostly I don't actually want to settle down at all, but then sometimes I do a little bit. And it really bugs me that I still glance at the old norms for cues about "where I should be in my life".
and also, I think perhaps you are underestimating the life of settled couples. I don't think it has to be as boring and suburban as you describe it, and I doubt that many of those people feel a void. In any case, there is no point wondering if I'd like that life - I know I wouldn't.
I also removed a chunk about that stupid biological clock.
If I had unlimited time, I wouldn't even be glancing at the settled life. Not even a glance. Yet. I have this suspicion, though, that I do want some of the bits of settledness.
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