dappled

It's already the spring Equinox. Actually, it was the equinox on Thursday, but whatever.

Things here are moving along at a break-neck pace. I can't believe I've been back from Costa Rica for a month already. It's beautiful here right now - warmer than it was, and lots of sunshine. The wind picked up last week, sadly, and blew all the powder away, so now we have sun- and wind-polished snow roads that are treacherous. Beautiful, though. It is such a pleasure to feel the sun on my face again.

I've been doing a lot of skiing on the fjord (less since the powder blew away) and even got out the snowboard a few weeks ago. Hurt myself snowboarding for the first time. Drove my knee into the hard pack snow and bruised it inside. I'm all recovered now, happily. The dogs have really enjoyed being out and running like the furry maniacs that they are. Speaking of which, I am feeling like it's time to move on from here, and I'm thinking an international post might be a fun next step. All of that means that I'm looking for a temporary home for my dogs. I don't expect that anyone is looking for two big adorable huskies, but if you know of anyone, let me know.

But back to here, I'm finding a very relaxed attitude towards just about everything among my students right now. They are tuning out. Remember that May mood, when the classroom windows are open and you can hear the sounds of town and everyone is just sort of spacey and daydreaming? This is what is happening here, though we don't smell fresh-cut grass through our windows. As a result of this dreamy attitude, I've had to become something of a strict teacher. My grade tens have silly rules such as sitting up straight, not wearing sunglasses and having to put their hands up before speaking. These things, while totally normal in a regular school, are seen as an angry and unfair impingement on their rights (?) as slackers. They are paying off though, and I've had some clandestine reports from students that they appreciate it. Most important, I think we have finally learned, accepted and memorized that protons are found in the nucleus, while electrons orbit it.

Looking ahead, we have two more weeks before Spring Break. I am stoked to have my tickets to Florida. I am super excited about sunshine and beer and hanging with florida girl. Returning from Florida will bring the frenzied pace of Spring: Spring Camp, Review, Exams, and Graduation. It is even more strange to think that I might actually move away in June.

You know, if you'll let me get all philosophical for a moment, I think I am really going to enjoy looking back at my life from 75 or 80 or however old I am when I start forgetting what year it is. I hope that I will be able to find some thread of purpose. Right now, looking forward is like staring at the clouds. I just don't know. It feels unwritten (duh) and I don't even know what I want to write. There is so much possibility out there, I feel overwhelmed by it.

I feel sentimental today; I learned last night that one of my former students hanged himself earlier this week, and no one found his body until yesterday. It breaks my heart. It is devastating that this boy, who nobody ever really wanted, left his life in that way. He thrived on attention, but was usually neglected. He tried so hard, but often just couldn't do what was required. I'm angry that he was born with FAS, I am angry that no one wanted him. I am angry that no one was checking on him, I am angry that we allow people to slip through the cracks. Most of all, I feel so sad that this boy who loved to help felt so worthless and hopeless that he took his own life and no one noticed.