surplus

whoa. shock and awe, baby.

couple things:

Did you know it costs 50 cents to make a phone call from a payphone now? fucking ridiculous. yesterday my cell phone was dead, and i tried to make a call with the traditional quarter, and it didn't work. i'm really pissed.

i started my course. it isn't intimidating, but it is frustrating. i prefer to do things i'm naturally good at, and right now i feel like i'm trying cook over lava. my skills are lacking at this point.

what else... oh yeah. i feel strangely afloat and rootless - more than usual. i don't know if it is culture shock, or exhaustion from a busy year and travel, or some sort of vast spiritual emptiness in the wake of my utter loss of faith (seems a bit tardy if it's that), or maybe i'm just realizing how ineffective i have been up to this point in getting what i want from this short life. who knows, right? right. what i do know is i feel i have lost something priceless and intangible, and i fear it is lost for good.

or perhaps it's just the rain.

As fear is truly the Mindkiller
When nothing is left
Everything is gained
You see I wish I was a poet